All Things Being Equal May 2, 2014 – Posted in: Non-Fiction, Real life, Thoughts – Tags:

May 2014 —

So I bought a new pair of sneakers. I wore them for an entire day, but noticed that the right shoe squeaked more on bare floor surfaces. Just needs breaking in, I thought. At the end of the day I observed that both sneakers were identical except for the tread pattern on the bottom. As snap decisions go, I much preferred the tread on the left sneaker, with its dips and contours, over the ridged, flatter bottom right.
I purchased them at one of those show stores that keeps only one shoe in the display boxes and retrieves the matching shoe from the stock room once you decide you want to buy. Obviously, there is a flaw in the plan.

Naturally, I returned to the store, presented my dilemma and came away with the proper matching sneaker.

Today, I am wearing those new sneakers and there is one things that’s been nagging me all day (and probably will nag me indefinitely). My subconscious is keenly aware of the fact that my left sneaker has had a whole day’s worth of walking around under its belt (or rather, its laces) and the right sneaker had its first outing today.

My mind constantly reminds me that the symmetry and balance of equal wear is off. Do I just walk around in only the right sneaker for a day to even things out? I’m sure that in time my subconscious will get over it—moved on to other, more important, or just as odd, matters.

I can see this minor predicament played out in a Larry Davidesque scenario wherein Larry would go back to the store, but when presented with the correct companion shoe he would look incredulously at the clerk.

LARRY: “No, no, no. This won’t work. I need a whole new pair.”

CLERK: “Oh, you’d like a different pair, sir?”

LARRY: “No. I want the same pair, just a new pair.”

CLERK: “But, sir. These are new shoes.”

LARRY: “Only one of them is new. The other one isn’t new anymore because I’ve been walking around in it all day. I can’t be walking around in one brand new shoe and one worn shoe. I mean, who does that?”

A lengthy debate with the store clerk would ensue, neither yielding their position. The store manager would be dragged into the mix, ultimately ending in Larry being ejected from the store… in the same mismatched shoes he entered with, of course.